Love Me Dead
by Ash M. Knight
Summary: Emma brings Regina flowers in an attempt to be suave and seductive, but the mayor's reaction is surprising. SwanQueen. One-shot.


Regina Mills. A queen, and a bitch. But I couldn't stop my heart from bursting. The vice she bound me in was steadfast, too strong to break free from. There was no release.

_Love me cancerously,_

_Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea._

_"High maintenance" means_

_You're a gluttonous queen_

_Narcissistic and mean._

Of all they days I could have picked, this one was perfect. The sun was shining, there were stars in my eyes... It couldn't have been a more suitable choice for the occasion. Now, it wasn't like me to do the whole romantic thing, but something inside me made me want to serenade the woman outside her window and confess my devotion down on my knees. But of course, there was no way that was going to happen.

Instead, I settled for visiting a flower shop downtown. When I entered, I was immediately overwhelmed by the colors, intense aromas, and numerous choices.

"Hey," I said shyly, stepping towards the counter where the employee stood distractedly staring at her phone.

"Can I help you?" the girl asked.

She couldn't have been older than sixteen, and she was totally oblivious.

"Yeah, um," I started. "I need some flowers."

"Uh... yeah?"

"Yeah. Um..."

I wasn't very articulate. How do you tell someone you need flowers flawless enough to melt an evil queen's heart?

"I need flowers that could break someone's heart with their beauty."

"Uh, seriously?" she asked sarcastically. "They're just flowers. It doesn't matter."

I stepped closer to her, my face freezing into a glare.

"Listen, kid," I hissed. "It matters. It _really _fucking matters. So help me find some good ones or get me your-"

"Emma!" the manager cried, stepping out from the back room. "How are you, dear?"

I shrugged my shoulders at the grey-haired woman and looked over at her employee.

"This kid has an attitude problem."

"Don't I know it," she laughed. "She's my granddaughter. I apologize. What can I help you with?"

"I need flowers that can break a woman's heart."

"Ah, I see," she said softly, flashing me a knowing smile. "Who's the lucky lady?"

"I can't tell, I'm afraid. It's a bit of a secret, for now."

"Alright, dear. In any case, we'll make the perfect bouquet. Tell me about your lady?"

I nodded and proceeded to describe my love as vaguely as possible, not wanting to give away her identity. After much debate, I settled on the three types of flowers that suited her best and left the shop content, but still shaken by my nerves.

_Kill me romantically,_

_Fill my soul with vomit_

_Then ask me for a piece of gum_

_Bitter and dumb_

_You're my sugarplum_

_You're awful; I love you_

I spent nineteen hours and forty-seven minutes in front of the mirror. Okay... Maybe I'm exaggerating. A bit. Maybe. Regardless, it took forever. Somehow, my hair was never acceptable, my clothes didn't fit right, and I was 'fatter' than I'd ever been in my life.

"I look awful," a whined.

My friend just looked at me and shook her head.

"You look great," Belle told me. "Just go already, before you lose your devotion to your mission."

"Oh, I'm devoted. I'm positively _sick _with devotion. I'm-"

"I know, Emma. Now get out of here!"

I sighed, grabbed my coat, and hurried out to the car. As I turned the corner onto the woman's street, I seriously considered throwing the car in reverse and getting the fuck out of there. For once, I was actually nervous to approach a woman. Okay... I was terrified. Whatever. Anyway, I gathered every ounce of my courage, swallowed my fear, and pulled into the driveway. Again, I had second thoughts as I approached the door to ring the bell. When I lifted my right hand, it was shaking. I clutched the flowers gently in my left hand, holding them behind my back like some love-sick teenage boy.

"Regina," I said with a nervous smile as she opened the door.

"Sheriff Swan. What do I owe this visit?"

"I just figured I could stop by and... and give you these." I held out the flowers and watched for her reaction, saying, "I figured you would like the red and white. The white gladiolus symbolizes for your strength of character; the red hibiscus represents your royal, delicate loveliness, and I chose the white calla lilies for your regal and majestic beauty."

Regina just stared at me, uncomprehending.

"What the Hell are you doing, Swan?"

I stared back, still holding the flowers out to her, waiting for her to accept them, which she didn't seem likely to do.

"It would be great if you would just take them to relieve some of my embarrassment," I mumbled, looking down at my shoes.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," she said, turning her nose up at me and looking me over, head to toe, her face full of distaste.

"Why not?" I asked sadly, my voice cracking like a pre-pubescent boy.

I was totally fucked.

"Because they're from you, of course," she laughed haughtily, her voice full of disdain, still watching me extend my hand full of flowers, which I hadn't yet dropped to my side.

My mouth opened slightly, completely not believing that her response could be so cold. Finally, my arm fell to my side, and I nearly dropped the flowers. Instead, my grip on them tightened and my knuckles turned white, my palms starting to sweat.

"Alright then," I muttered, turning away slowly and walking back to my car, totally dejected and crestfallen.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly_

_She knows just how to hold me_

_And when her edges soften_

_Her body is my coffin_

_I know she drains me slowly_

_She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Must be the sign on my head_

_It says, "Oh, love me dead!"_

_Love me dead_

When the phone rang, I didn't think much of it. My eyes rolled as I answered the call, but the voice on the other end of the line caught me by surprise.

"Miss Swan," the voice said - it could only be one woman - "I suspect you're sitting at home eating some greasy take-out and doing absolutely nothing else this evening."

I looked down at my plate of Chinese food and blinked at it. _What the fuck? _I set the fork down and started to pick the dirt out from under my nails as I rested the phone between my cheek and my shoulder.

"What of it?" I asked, as nonchalantly as possible, trying not to give away the shock I was feeling.

"What of it?" she echoed. "It's disgusting." There was a pause before she continued by asking, "Surprised to hear from me?"

My mouth hung slightly open. How was she doing that?

"Not really," I lied.

_Most women can't get enough_, I wanted to joke, but I said nothing else. She wasn't really the type of woman to have a sense of humor. I figured it had disappeared as her heart turned black, and this made me wonder what she was like before. Did she laugh? I longed to hear the sound, and imagined it in my mind, letting the silent noise ring in my ears.

"Miss Swan?" she asked, her voice raised, conveying her irritation.

"What? Sorry. I missed that. The phone was breaking up."

I wanted to slap myself in the face for getting lost in my own thoughts in the middle of the phone call.

"That's nice," she said, causing me to roll my eyes at her bad attitude.

"Why are you calling, Regina?"

"It's Mayor Mills to you," she corrected me sternly.

I almost burst out in laughter, but swallowed it hard and forced it back down.

"Yes, ma'am," I said sarcastically.

"I'm glad we established that."

"Me, too," I said with a grin. "Why are you calling?"

"I want you here, tonight at eight."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I expect you to be here on time. And bring the flowers. Is that clear?"

"Is this business or pleasure?" I teased, but was actually being serious.

"I'll see you at eight."

She hung up the phone, leaving me stunned. I glanced at the time on my phone. It was 7:45.

"Shit," I cursed out loud, setting my plate down, jumping off the couch, and running to my dresser.

I opened every drawer, tearing each one apart, tossing my clothes on the bed as I went through them. Since I was in my pajamas, I frantically removed them and slipped into a pair of tight jeans and a white tank top, hoping to whatever god their might be that my hair was alright. After I put on some Chapstick, I threw on my jacket and ran out the door, knowing I had only a few minutes to make it to Regina's before I was late.

I made it just in time.

"Hi," I said, handing her the flowers as she greeted me at the door.

"Come inside."

I obeyed and stepped through the doorway. She brought me into her office where she put the flowers in a clear vase and walked over to the small collection of alcohol she kept behind her desk. She poured us each a glass of scotch.

"What is this?" I asked her, stunned into accepting the glass.

"It's scotch, Miss Swan. I assumed that you, of all people, would know that."

I ignored the insult.

"Not the booze. This. What are you doing?"

"Business."

She took a sip from her glass and watched me. I could feel her eyes inspecting each inch of me and found myself feeling warm and somewhat anxious. Hoping it would calm my nerves, I took a sip from my glass as well.

"What kind of business?"

_Stop asking questions and roll with it, _I scolded myself, mentally slamming my head on the desk. Regina saw me cringe at my own question, knowing that I wished I hadn't said it. Somehow, she was reading my mind. I suddenly wondered if she actually did have mind-reading powers. Did she know I was picturing her naked?

"The kind where you undress me."

My jaw fell, but I said nothing. When I didn't move, Regina took a step towards me, unzipping the back of her own dress about half way and turning around so that she was facing away from me. As she backed up and stood between my open legs, I swallowed hard. I certainly hadn't expected sex on the first date, but I wasn't complaining. I was already wet. I unzipped her royal blue dress the rest of the way, then let my fingertips brush down her back, watching her muscles tense. We fucked the rest of the night - first on her desk, then against the wall, then on the couch, and then, finally, in her bed. By the time it was five o'clock in the morning, we were both exhausted. I fell asleep beside her, too warm to sleep under the sheets.

_You're a faith-healer on TV_

_You're an office park without any trees_

_Corporate and cold, gushing for gold_

_Leave me alone_

In the morning, she woke me by roughly shaking my shoulder.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she said flatly, looking at me as I sleepily struggled to sit up.

"Mhmm," I mumbled, glancing over at the clock. Seven AM. I was going to be late for work. "Fuck."

"Watch your mouth."

I stared at her in disbelief, uncomprehending. Was she serious? I was an adult. And what did she care, anyway? Was she really offended?

"Alright," I agreed, quickly climbing off the bed and grabbing my clothes.

I could sense the aura of coldness that radiated from her, and I could tell she wanted me gone.

"Was it that bad?" I asked.

She ignored me and said nothing else before I left the house in a hurry, feeling stunned and confused.

_You suck so passionately_

_You're a parasitic psycho, filthy creature_

_Finger-bangin' my heart_

_You call me up drunk_

_Does the fun ever start?_

_You're hideous...and sexy!_

"So how'd it go?" Belle asked me as she handed me the cup of coffee she'd so kindly brought me from Granny's.

"Well, first she wouldn't take the flowers. Then she called me up and knew exactly what I was doing and thinking. It was totally creepy," I told her. "And then she told me - not asked me, _told _me - to come over at eight. So I went over there, and she gave me a scotch, and then, she like... Well..."

"You totally slept together, didn't you?" she giggled.

I rolled my eyes at her and took a sip of my coffee, hissing as I burnt my tongue on the hot liquid, cursing myself for being so stupid as to drink it as soon as it was made. When she stared at me, clearly waiting for my answer, I sighed.

"All night."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And was it good?"

"It was... phenomenal."

She looked at me with a mischievous grin, as if to say I-told-you-so.

"I told you so."

I mentally slapped myself in the face at the irony.

"But when I woke up, she was totally bitchy and barely said anything to me at all," I retorted, hoping to wipe away her triumphant smile.

"What?" Belle asked, looking surprised and tilting her head. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. I have no idea what the fuck happened."

"Why don't you go to her office and bring her coffee or something?" she suggested.

I shook my head and tried to sip my coffee again. Mission _failed. _I burned my tongue again.

"No way."

"Why not?"

"She's going to think it's dumb."

"Maybe she will," Belle said, "but maybe she won't. It's worth a try."

I had to agree. Maybe she'd reject the gesture of kindness, but if there was any chance I could get her to smile - or any opportunity of getting a second chance at mind-blowing sex - I was going to try it.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly_

_She knows just how to hold me_

_And when her edges soften_

_Her body is my coffin_

_I know she drains me slowly_

_She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Must be the sign on my head_

_It says, "Oh, love me dead!"_

_Love me dead_

Apparently, Lady Luck was on my side when her secretary let me into the woman's office.

"Hey," I said softly, watching as she lifted her head slowly.

"To what do I owe this unexpected and unnecessary surprise?" she asked me, her eyes emotionless and unfeeling.

"I brought you a drink. It's cold outside," I explained, shutting the door and walking over to her, setting her drink down on the desk.

"I don't drink coffee," she told me, "and it's not cold in here."

I shook my head with a laugh.

"Granny told me what you like. Vanilla chai?"

She looked surprised but nodded weakly.

"Yes," she answered. "I suppose."

She looked down at the steaming cup suspiciously, as if it was spying on her, silently recording all her secrets in the sugary mix. I wanted to keep laughing, but I shut my mouth and bit my lip to stop the sound from coming out. I was winning.

"Last night-" I started, but she cut me off.

"Was business."

"Oh? And what exactly did we accomplish?"

"Well," she started with a smirk. "My needs were satisfied by the transaction. I'm not sure if I care about yours."

Mine certainly were, but I tried not to convey that.

"So it was good then?"

"Good enough," she confessed with a shrug, put off by my question.

"You finished," I quickly pointed out with a cheeky grin.

"Miss Swan!" she snapped, standing up and slamming her fists down on the desk. "That is completely-"

"True?"

"Shut. Up. I've had enough of this conversation, and it's ending _right now._"

"Why? Because you don't want to admit you had a good time with me?"

"It was business."

"It was fun."

"It was nothing."

"You're lying."

"I'm-"

"Regina."

She was silent as she sat back down at her desk, pulling the chair up and looking back at her papers. It was a minute or so before she spoke again, and it was awkward to stand there in the quiet.

"Get out," she finally said.

I only stepped closer to the desk, resting my hands on it and leaning forward, waiting for her to look up. When she did, I quickly moved in and kissed her lips.

"Will you see me tonight?" I asked her.

She looked into my eyes with something that seemed like confusion. _What is she thinking? _I wondered, unwilling to look away until she nodded. To my surprise, she leaned in and kissed me.

"Thank you for the drink," she said softly.

Shocked by her genuine gratitude, I kissed her again, not wanting to stop.

"You're welcome."

As I turned to leave, she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, catching my lips once more.

"Don't go yet," she whispered.

"Then let me fuck you," I whispered in her ear, successfully achieving my goal of irresistible seductiveness.

With a quiet moan that I could just barely hear, she sucked in a breath and pulled away, rushing around to the other side of the desk and pressing me against it. But I didn't want her to top me. I wanted to savor the control. Using hungry physical force to swap places with her, I lifted her skirt and let my fingers find her center.

* * *

**Author's Note: The song in this fic is "Love Me Dead," by Ludo. If you haven't heard it, go look it up!**


End file.
